Real

Am I real or am I a mere fragment of a sick imagination?

The child of a withered mind?

I stand here, almost real, almost human. But I always lack. The mechanical shards of my heart creek and ache. It never did learn how to work properly on its own… without you winding me up. But you’re gone.

Oh, how I remember your words like liquid sunshine pouring straight onto my soul… because I do have one of those. I am your creation. You built me from scratch – even though you never completed me.

One day you just didn’t come back.

I waited, dreamt, expected the day when you would return and complete me; the day when the final piece would find its place and I’d be able to get up. I’d be able to leave this dreaded sarcophagus of a room and follow you. We’d be together then. We’d be happy…

The little eyes are watching me again. This small critter is the only one who comes to me anymore. It sits and looks at me silently. It’s not sure what it sees – a willful doll, or a human being lacking life. Sometimes it lets out a low squeaking sound – as if it can hear all these thoughts running through my mind. It doesn’t like to see me sad. But it can’t help me. It doesn’t understand why You left me here… Neither do I…

I still remember the final night.

You were here, restless. You kept your thoughts to yourself but you unleashed your anger and frustration all over this room… Now all that’s left are the broken pieces and a lonely me…  

When you calmed down you knelt down next to me. You traced the lines of my face with your fingertips – from my tearless eyes down to my silent lips. You let out a sigh then got up to leave… You blamed me for everything. Said it was my choice to be broken. Said I made things this way. Said I chose to let you go… You stopped by the door with your back to me. You whispered to me to say the words.  One ‘I love you’ and you’d muster the strength to stay here with me, you said…

And then the silence pierced you – the spark of hope in your burning eyes faded away. And you left, never to return again… Or will You…

The little creature let out a small sigh.

It wasn’t’ fair what you did. What choice could I have had when I carry no will power. I am nothing but a marionette. A broken toy. A lonely doll which dreams of life. A real life…

Why couldn’t you see?

Why did you throw accusations at a face without a voice?

My lips are shut still. I can never utter a sound. I can never let out a sigh. I haven’t learned how to yet...

Your words full of love once sang to me of how you’d always be here. How you’d wait for me to learn what being real is like. But you’re gone. You called my motionless agony choice. You called my fear decision. You said I was the one, who refused to embrace you – but how can I embrace when I have no hands? Not yet, I don’t. I’m incomplete.  And you left. To find arms to embrace you;  lips which  can murmur sweet nothings in your ear – words you neither want nor believe in…

‘Stay,’ I wanted to scream.

‘Let me learn,’ I wanted to cry out.

‘I want to give you everything you need’… ‘I….

The little creature trembled in surprise. So did I. The room is dead silent but the words still echo. My words. My…voice… ‘I love you’…

A new sound fills the silence. The small mechanical shards have started moving little by little. It hurts. But it’s... real.  My lips smile as my eyes begin to cry for the first time.

 For the first time…

Something real. 

(The text and image are my creations, please do not use them without my permission ^_^)